On Serving

I have been cooking a lot since I’ve been in Hawaii since I volunteered to make Jim breakfast, lunch, and dinner since he is at work during the day and does not come back until dinner time. Through this, I have realized how much satisfaction and comfort it gives me to serve someone else.  Is this normal?  I feel like I’ve grown up in a generation where girls are supposed to learn how to “be independent”, “get out of the kitchen”, “stop making sandwiches”, or “focus on a career”.

I am by no means saying that being able to cater to someone else takes precedence to focusing on yourself and your own needs – but there is something so fulfilling about feeling needed by another person and being able to “feed” them sotospeak.

I don’t know if this is a phase that I am going through, or if it is a crying panic because I am entering my late 20s.  Whatever it is, it is something new to deal with and a feeling I’ve never really experienced before.

banana bread

avocado

strawberry mochi, which I clearly did not make but I felt should be included.

My Opinion

I’m not too sure what I like.  The topic of "like" came up when a friend asked me what  my last meal would be if I had to choose.  We were browsing through this buzzfeedarticle about last meals and found them all rather boring.  However, when I tried to think of my own I could not do much better.

Then I started thinking about my opinion on things: I don’t really have a strong one.  When I was younger I used to have strong opinions about what I liked. 

•      I wanted to be a writer
•           I loved swimming
•           I loved reading
•           I loved hamsters
•      My favorite foods were my mom’s macaroni and cheese or wonton noodle soup with my dad

I don’t know what happened, but as I started getting older I started having less and less of an opinion or my own voice.

That’s it – I lost my voice.  I don’t know if it had to do with my relationship with my dad going downhill or the fact that I was sick for quite a long time, but I forgot who I was.  And with my personality, my individuality, and my simply being went my voice.

This is a topic I can dwell on heavily, and there is much more to it than simply having an opinion about a last meal.  I need to figure out again how I want to define myself.  I need to try to understand what it means to have an opinion, to have strong likes and dislikes, and to have a voice that I am proud of. 

I still don’t know what my last meal will be, but I plan on having an opinion on that by the end of this week.  

For now – what would yours be?