The Final Days

We’ve hit our final weekend mark and I’m already thinking about all the things I’m going to miss about this place. I feel like that I’ve learned that, generally, people will always want to be where they are not. Human beings tend to want what they do not have, and the grass always seems greener on the other side. What does this say about our capability to be happy…to feel satisfied…or to make decisions based on what we think we want and not what we need? Maybe, though, this is just a simple case of wanderlust? I’ve never really used that word before. After some research, on the topic of wanderlust-ing, I believe it to be more of a simple desire and need to see the world rather than never feeling satisfied in a current condition.

Are people who always strive for more more like animals then? Do they graze through life picking at grass here and there, only to migrate their way onto another field or into another location where the grass is greener?

Maybe I was meant to be a cow. Cows are rather large though, so maybe a hedgehog or a field mouse would be more like it.

That Thing Called Change

It’s already July and I cannot believe I’ve been here 1 month already.  Of course, time always passes quickly when you don’t want it to.  I’ve learned a multitude of things, a lot of which I doubt I can articulate into words, as they are only feelings or extensions of preconceptions or emotions that I’ve harbored myself for awhile now.  In addition to learning more about myself, I’ve also learned more about others.

 

So what is noteworthy?  Probably the things that aren’t directly related to me, such as change.  I realized that there are so many things that I cannot control in life, and that is a huge issue for me.  I love to have control over what happens with me, in terms of my future and the present.  Of course because I’m so focused on the future I lose myself in the present and am hardly aware that it is even there.

My job for instance.  There was nothing I could have done to control what happened (except maybe not have majored in literary arts).  Other than that, nothing.  Change happens when you least expect it.  Sometimes it is wonderful and sometimes it is not.  I don’t think I’ll ever be fully comfortable with change, I just need to take the steps and measures to respond appropriately and not completely lose myself in circumstance.

There is more change coming.  More change when I move back: without a job, not too much direction, and back with my parents.  A lot of people say that the idea of change stems from how you look at it.  Look at it in a positive light and it will be bright. 

So can I do that?  Let’s try.

These papaya will change ^^…very quickly actually.  I give them a day.  Luckily they were only $1 for 5!

Something To Be Said

There is something to be said about living somewhere vs. actually vacationing at a place.  I am not try to discount the beauty or appeal of a place, but it is much different to live in Hawaii than to vacation here.

Let’s take a look at some of the statistics (in my un-professional opinion, at least):

Cons:

- It rains here everyday.  And that’s not an exaggeration.  Going from California to where we were in a serious drought to Hawaii where wetness is a daily occurrence has been strange.  At first it was comforting, then it turned depressing, and now I’m getting more used to it.

- Things are expensive.  Like, ridiculously.  I don’t know how people support themselves over here without food stamps unless they are a professional of some sort.  Milk is almost $8 a gallon, applies are at least $2 a piece, and cereal is almost $7 a box.  Really?….really….?

- I miss Dewey.

Pros:

- I get to see J everyday, even if it’s just for a few hours in the evening. 4 years of long distance has been 3.89 years too long.

- The pace of life is extremely slow here.  That is great because I have horrible anxiety and I’m always rushing around in my head.  It’s crazy in there, don’t try to get in.

- Independence.  Who in their 20′s doesn't want this?

- Hawaiian culture.  Something I've never before been exposed to, so everything around me is new and interesting.

It looks like the good outweighs the bad, and I’m not complaining.

x

Not The Best Day

It wasn't the best of days.
It probably could have been worse.

So, let's back up a few months.  Back in March my Accounting position at work was getting phased out.  I had a new manager in tow and I could tell we wouldn't be seeing eye to eye on things. Quite frankly, I felt like he didn't want to manage anyone and have the Accounting position for himself (which I was mostly in charge of).  So what did he do?  He found errors, possibly made some himself with the system that I was using, and wrote me up.

That whole process took a toll on me, my health, and I ended up crying in the bathroom at the office more times that I would like to admit (and, unfortunately, once in front of my co-worker).  I also lost about 5 lbs, give or take.

I knew I was getting phased out, so I plowed through my contacts and after a few weeks, as luck would have it, one of my friend's friends was looking for some blog writers for a start-up in SF.  I crossed my fingers and submitted my application.  A few weeks later, they brought me on board as a contract writer.

I couldn't have been happier.

For the next few months I wrote day and night, 24/7 (seriously, up until 3 am most days) -- picking up as many articles as I could, researching, and publishing.  It was all I ever wanted to do (write), and I was doing it fast.  I had a schedule, a structure, and I was running strong.

In the midst of all this I decided to make the move to Hawaii for 2 months with my boyfriend, J, who was out there doing rotations.  It was perfect timing -- I could have an income, be with him finally (after 3.75 years), and write my heart out.

It all seemed too perfect.  And then it was, today, when I got the call that the freelance project had been terminated.  Effective: immediately.