On Time

I can’t believe I have about a week left here on the big island. I have a lot to say but I don’t know how to say it, or write it – whichever. I’m not sure if I’ll ever be able to put this experience in words. I might need a few months or weeks of reflection, who knows. I tend to be someone who either word vomits or says nothing at all.

Right now I’m just concerned about how I will transition back into my life in California.

Time will tell. Time tells everything—mostly.

On Waiting

Yesterday I went snorkeling. While in the water, I tried to think.  I remembered when I was younger and used to swim laps everyday.  The boring-ness of lap repetition and the mesh of lines at the bottom of the pool would allow me to resort to more organized and constructive thinking – so I tried it again this time.  in my mind I played around with how I wanted my life to look like when I go back to California in 3 weeks.  I didn’t come up with much.  Really, all I want is:

• -          A job
• -          Comfort
• -          Consistency
• -          Structure

This probably makes me sound like a completely uptight and brash individual, but it is my way of getting things done.  It is really hard for me to do things unless I find a purpose for it.  It is even harder for me to just sit down and relax if I feel unaccomplished or as if I’m wasting time.  Even this blog post is hard to write because I feel like my time could be better spent job searching or whatnot.  J is studying for rotations tomorrow though so I figured I could let my mind be creative for awhile.

I feel like I’m going to be that one person who never really has things figured out…who never really knows who she is or what she wants to become. 

Coincidentally, I also feel like I’m always waiting.  I’m always waiting for something better, for J to come back, for J to finish school, to find a better job, to get inspired to write something, to feel healthier, to meet a new wonderful friend.  I’m always waiting for things that I have no control over, and it makes me all the more anxious.

Also, I still have no idea what my last meal would be.  I’m still waiting for my taste buds to get back to me.

My taste buds did enjoy this fresh coconut water, though.

Something To Be Said

There is something to be said about living somewhere vs. actually vacationing at a place.  I am not try to discount the beauty or appeal of a place, but it is much different to live in Hawaii than to vacation here.

Let’s take a look at some of the statistics (in my un-professional opinion, at least):

Cons:

- It rains here everyday.  And that’s not an exaggeration.  Going from California to where we were in a serious drought to Hawaii where wetness is a daily occurrence has been strange.  At first it was comforting, then it turned depressing, and now I’m getting more used to it.

- Things are expensive.  Like, ridiculously.  I don’t know how people support themselves over here without food stamps unless they are a professional of some sort.  Milk is almost $8 a gallon, applies are at least $2 a piece, and cereal is almost $7 a box.  Really?….really….?

- I miss Dewey.

Pros:

- I get to see J everyday, even if it’s just for a few hours in the evening. 4 years of long distance has been 3.89 years too long.

- The pace of life is extremely slow here.  That is great because I have horrible anxiety and I’m always rushing around in my head.  It’s crazy in there, don’t try to get in.

- Independence.  Who in their 20′s doesn't want this?

- Hawaiian culture.  Something I've never before been exposed to, so everything around me is new and interesting.

It looks like the good outweighs the bad, and I’m not complaining.

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